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Columns


I have been writing columns since 2016 for various newspapers and magazines including The Yorkshire Post's Life & Style and Families Magazine. 

If you'd like me to write for your publication (either as myself or ghosting) I'd love to hear from you.

Occasional features have also appeared in:

 Yorkshire Evening Post 
The Sunday Times (Travel)
Woman Magazine
Yorkshire Life Magazine
Mothers Mean Business Magazine
28th July 2021

I looked exactly like Mr Humphries from the 80s sitcom Are You Being Served?
30th June 2021

The locals called it 'The Cut & Stab'.
2nd June 2021

He thought Hotmail was a sexy newsletter aimed at lads with lingerie ads.
5th May 2021

I feel more at ease with unmatched wing mirrors and a film of flies on the dashboard.
7th April 2021

A ferret fancier knocked on my door the other day.
17th March 2021

I asked Siri: 'Why does my plughole stink?' but I think she misheard because it all got a bit weird.
10th February 2021

Before he had chance to signal his distress, the lights were out and the machine cranked up.
13th January 2021

I've become slightly obsessed with the late American artist Bob Ross.
16th December 2020

I'm grateful for the chaos. Bring it on.
18th November 2020

Threat of embarrassment can be a great tool in the parenting kit.
21st October 2020

These things might be good for our circulation and pores but it's fun we want, not frostbite.
23rd September 2020

Bobbing round to ask a bunch of drunks to 'keep it down a bit, lads' was not an option.
26th August 2020

He'd spotted something soggy in the middle of the road.
22nd July 2020

They had their masks, their money, but clearly not their minds as they giddily waited to be needled in the bony part of their ears.
24th June 2020

When his name flashed up on my phone I answered: "Yes. Yes. Yes."
27th May 2020

I've done away with days, weeks and months, replacing them instead  with a sliding feral scale.
29th April 2020

I've embarked on an open relationship... There are certain needs no husband can meet.
1st April 2020

When all this is over I'm going on holiday. Ideally without my family.
4th March 2020

I should have listened to my gut reaction.
5th February 2020

I've been tripped up, trumped on and turned upside down in a sleeping bag.

Yorkshire Evening Post

Super-sporty teenager Lucy Robinson has been chosen to represent Team GB at the World Powerlifting Championships. Becky Bond meets her.

8th January 2020

Never tango in tanga briefs.

The Yorkshire Post - Life & Style - Real Lives

Georgina Hurst was left partially paralysed in a car crash, but now she has taken up pole dancing for fitness.

"I literally had a dream that I was watching a pole dancer. In the dream, I told my friends that I wanted to have a go and they all just looked at me as if to say 'aw bless her.' Then I got out of my wheelchair and did it."
11th December 2019

I logged on and decided to leave it to fate. Providence would point me in the right direction. 
13th November 2019

None of us fancied rubbing each other's buttocks with slippery clay. 
10th October 2019

I say drinks cabinet, it's a nine-hole wine rack usually full of blackcurrant juice and carrier bags.
18th September 2019

I didn't expect his photograph to go global or to receive so many messages from crazy cat lovers.
21st August 2019

I have upgraded my moisturiser and I'm going to wear a wimple and sombrero until Christmas.
24th July 2019

Not one single atom in my body feels the need to soldier on and listen to what nature is trying to tell me,
3rd July 2019

She probably lost the will to live when her ears involuntarily sealed shut upon hearing Yellow Submarine.
1st May 2019

The American Vegans are coming for tea.
3rd April 2019

I know I've zoned out completely when I start with my impressions of Robert Peston.
6th March 2019

He was pimping his shed and nobody could stop him.
6th February 2019

I really don't think I could have faced a bush-tucker challenge because my gag reflex is fierce.
16th January 2019

I've become completely obsessed with a Japanese woman called Marie Kondo. Half an hour was all it took and she's making me do things I never dreamed would be pleasurable.
19th December 2018

I didn't feel like I was into the seasonal swing until I'd at least thrown up on my boss's shoes and snogged the nerdy one that never spoke.
21st November 2018

Bottomley Cockshot and Fanny Tremble were turning in their graves.
31st October 2018

I've been keeping a macabre tally of half-eaten carcasses brought through our cat-flap this month. So far, we've been gifted two wings, four worms, three frogs, a claw and a tiny mouse.
26th September 2018

We've had school skirt wars in our house after both daughters got into trouble for rolling theirs up so high they resembled little more than a weightlifter's girdle.
29th August 2018

I still owe someone a fiver after #NorthernFail forced me into various car share scenarios last week. The problem is, I've no idea what her name is or where she lives.
1st August 2018

I'm not going to get too graphic in case you're reading this over your muesli, but let's just say it involves the potty being locked in the roof rack, rotavirus and a leaky carrier bag.
July/August 2018

Once the wee stick had confirmed that I was absolutely, definitely, no-going-back-now pregnant, then the retail extravaganza commenced.
27th June 2018

Jill, on the other hand, sashayed in five minutes after us with a full fake-bake tan, plunging cozzie and salon-style up-do. She looked too hot to care about the cold.
30th May 2018

Booking a holiday... Flights appear reasonable, beaches look pristine and nobody's twigged the all-inclusive buffet photo was taken with a fish-eye lens.
May/June 2018

I haven't experienced this much joy since finding an organic wine in Aldi which doesn't give you a hangover.
2nd May 2018

My tactic is to turn into an awful crawler on the phone, hoping I may be able to woo them into submission.
4th April 2018

Blind panic prevented me from tucking into my Virgin Atlantic waffle breakfast at half five the other Saturday morning.
7th March 2018

It was only on the way home that I was told Puccini's opera had in actual fact been performed in Italian and not, as I'd thought, French. Quelle surprise.
7th February 2018

I'm ashamed to say that I was a bit late to feminism. As a teenager, a teensy bit of me believed Women's Rights groups were created by lesbians, for lesbians.
March/April 2018

I'm leaving my husband and children for a week. Not because they're getting on my wick (they are) but because I've been invited to Johannesburg to make a radio documentary and I can't for the life of me think of a reason not to go.
10th January 2018

My mother-in-law won a tattoo in a football club raffle. She was hoping for the sheepskin rug, but that was ticket number 2624.
13th December 2017

I generally say 'yes' to anything then face the consequences later. Repercussions have ranged from rollercoaster highs to regret or the runs.
15th November 2017

Yorkshiremen don't belong in health spas. And when I say Yorkshiremen, I mean my husband.

Sunday Times - Confessions of a Tourist

Becky Bond found herself sandwiched between two hot lovers.

Some might say I was a bit of a slapper.  

In my defence, I was twenty, on the rebound and counting the days before my big move to America for a degree in something useless...


18th October 2017

It's like DIY SOS in our cellar at the moment, apart from the glaring absence of 50+ tradespeople. We're doing it up and it's doing my head in. 

Jan/Feb 2018
Families Leeds - Mum in the Middle

I gave my father-in-law fajitas for tea and it didn't end well. Maybe it's karma after bolognesegate.



20th September 2017

I returned from my niece's wedding with the promise of two iPhone 6's and a Jack Russell. I blame it on the Yorkshire rhubarb gin because I'm almost certain I wouldn't have agreed to swap the guinea pigs for a puppy if I'd stuck with tomato juice. 
Not only am I part of the ‘sandwich’ generation, but I’ve just found out I’m JAM (Just About Managing) too. Thanks to Theresa May, my life sounds like a Famous Five picnic hamper – except in the 2016 adventure (Five Go Budgeting) the ginger beer needs to be alcoholic...

Sept/Oct 2017
Families Leeds - Mum in the Middle

There was no need for central heating, judging by my sister's hot flush and steamy bifocals. I thought I'd got away with it, but then he turned his tackle on me.

23rd August 2017

I waded back to shore feeling like Ursula Andress in Dr. No, but looking more like a spoof advert for hair removal cream with my bikini bottoms full of seaweed.

Yorkshire Life - Readers Write

Becky Bond, a Yorkshire Lass brought up in the Aire Valley, now settled in the Wharfe, finds a new friend at the footy.

I'm not known for my love of football.  A bad experience on a first date at Leeds United when I was fifteen left me in no doubt that it was always cold, always noisy and we'd probably lose.

...I did that typical British thing of looking as if I'd spotted something behind him, when in actual fact I'd been caught gawping.


26th July 2017

It was Bingley Show this weekend and I'm feeling all nostalgic and just a little bit teary. I couldn't go because it was my niece's hen weekend in York, so I was busy knocking back prosecco in a hot tub, learning what 26 year olds do for kicks these days.
21st June 2017

Politics is showbusiness for ugly people, so the saying goes. I couldn't possibly comment, but I've certainly had my fill of MP's and manifestos, kitten heels and curtain calls for a while...

Families Leeds - Mum in the Middle

My mum has mild dementia, but sometimes she's right on the button with a comment. This time, it was when my daughters were showing her how to use a fidget spinner.

24th May 2017

Is there anything more undignified than having to provide a urine sample? It's not just the aim that's tricky, or spillage issues, but the walk of shame through the waiting room as you try to hide your hot pot behind your handbag...
26th April 2017

My daughters are waiting for their guinea pigs to die. Every morning they listen for a squeak or scratch in the sawdust and their hearts sink a little more as they realise Nibbles and Munch have survived another night...

Families Leeds - Mum in the Middle

Becky Bond found herself in a bit of a sweaty situation.

It's really not the kind of thing you want to do with cameras rolling. Nobody needs the added pressure of wondering if their lycra-clad camel toe's going to end up bobbing about on a widescreen at a fetishist forum.

Families Leeds - Feature - Parenting Classes

Occasionally, a bit of non-preachy, face-to-face help on how to keep calm during a supermarket meltdown is what's required to bring us and our children back from the brink.

29th March 2017

What happens when six middle-aged mums are let loose in Leeds on a Tuesday night? They mob Jeremy Corbyn then go to a hip-hop gig, obviously...

Families Leeds - Mum in the Middle

It's been almost a year and I still can't get dad out of the kitchen.

March 2016 he died, and short of a better idea after the cremation, I funneled him into a shiraz bottle and popped him on my recipe shelf.

1st March 2017

It's unusual for us to start a family holiday without someone being sick, but this half term we scored a honking hat-trick...

Life & Style - My View (click for full article)

There's an advert doing the rounds on social media for naked cleaners. It's primarily aimed at the naturist community and they're offering £45 an hour, whatever your age, shape or size.

I'm not averse to people taking their kit off for cash.  I was a life drawing model when my daughters were toddlers, so someone gawping at my nooks and crannies holds no fear for me.

No, the only really scary thing about cleaning-in-the-buff is the actual cleaning...

Families Leeds - Mum in the Middle

"You look and smell like a tramp."

"You're disappointing and truly infantile."
 
There's nobody like my mum to bring me crashing down to earth...

Families Leeds - Mum in the Middle

Christmas with my in-laws is like spending twenty four hours in the Arndale Mall on a packet of Pro-Plus. Everything feels 3D. You can't even escape for a yuletide log without Creepy Santa bellowing "Ho Ho Ho!" when you reach for the Charmin...

Families Leeds - Mum in the Middle

I can't believe my mother waved me off to school with that hair. Fortunately, I have little recollection of the horror, but I suspect it would come tumbling out in regression therapy, alongside my brothers feeding me dog treats and making me watch The Omen.

But I guess that's your lot when you're the youngest of four. It's just one harrowing event after another, brushed off with a soothing "What now?".

Families Leeds - Mum in the Middle

As Becky and her mum get used to the 'new normal', she introduces her family to some of the finer things in life...

It's getting embarrassing when mum comes for tea now. Not because she's so old she farts without realising or the dementia's induced her to swear at the neighbours and lick her knife clean (far from it), but because...

Woman Magazine - Generation Y Not

Don't tell me I can't... be a life drawing model.

Standing in a stranger's living room, I carefully took off my robe. Despite being completely naked, I wasn't embarrassed. But don't worry, this isn't as dodgy as it sounds...


To see the latest Woman magazine click here




Families Leeds - Mum in the Middle

Dad's gone viral.

Well, sort of.  It was his funeral last month.  He died peacefully, without pain, having lived a life full of love and fun.  So it only seemed fitting that his final service ended with a bit of a giggle.

...Following the dumper carrying dad's coffin, we witnessed some classic double takes.  I don't know what was more amusing, the slack-jawed teens or the guy at the bus stop who took his glasses off, cleaned them, then had a better look.

Families Leeds - Mum in the Middle

Becky Bond had the grim task of finding a nursing home for her parents...

...It soon became obvious that the only way out of hospital for either of them was to go for a bit of respite care somewhere less institutional. A place where the rooms have carpet and you get a glass of red with your lunch and a Cocodamol chaser.  

After much research, we found somewhere that doesn't exactly fall under dad's headline of "reasonably priced", but at least it might encourage him to ditch the zimmer a bit quicker.

Families Leeds - Mum in the Middle

Becky Bond shares some thoughts on the relationship between her parents and her children.

...It's opened up discussions in our home about how we'd like to be treated, should the same fate befall us.  I've told them, that if I begin to lose my memory, just roll with it - embrace the fact that I want to wear my holey jumper and clogs.  I've always thought dignity was highly over-rated anyway.

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