Becky Bond Writes
Musicals
My View - Wednesday 10th February 2021
You’re either a musicals person or you’re not. My husband’s not. Anything to do with jazz hands, tap-dancing or half-masked opera singers swinging from a chandelier and he’s out. I’m much the same with The Beatles - that Eleanor Rigby
dirge is enough to make anybody’s guitar gently weep.
Anyway, Sam had to go for an MRI scan recently. It’s nothing serious, he’s just got a dodgy hip. So he was laid there in his best undies about to be rolled into the machine, when the specialist popped some headphones on him to drown out the racket of the scanner. It was Radio Two. Ordinarily, not a bad choice for someone of our vintage, but it was Musicals Day and before he had chance to signal his distress, the lights were out and the machine cranked up.
For an hour and a quarter, he could do nothing but lay there as the Les Miserables
cast bellowed out “One Day More”
followed by Annie’s
“Tomorrow”
and 42nd Street’s “Lullaby of Broadway”. Personally, I love a bit of theatre, but even I had to turn Vanessa Feltz off en route to the early shift when “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina”
came on. It was a tear too far at 5.45am. I’d almost have rather listened to ‘Hard Day’s Night.’
Almost.
A phone call a couple of days later revealed the MRI hadn’t picked up enough detail and he had to return. This time, he wasn’t risking it. Unlike me, he does like the Fab Four, so planned a playlist in preparation for some quality time with Maggie Mae
and Michelle. Unfortunately, things were more rushed second time around and the doctor forgot all about tunes, leaving him to the deafening whir and clang of the scanner which sounded like German techno being drummed by angry students on hub cabs.
Still, at least the MRI worked and the results are back. He just needs a bit of keyhole surgery and has to knock five-a-side on the head for a while. And since team sports are still off the agenda due to Covid, he’ll have probably healed before lockdown’s lifted.
So we were discussing possible acoustics for his pre-op and found the perfect solution. The full audio version of the Handforth Parish Council meeting. If you’ve no idea what I’m on about, honestly, you need to Google it. It’s the best thing the internet has given us in 2021 and is the perfect embodiment of the nation’s cabin fever right now.
Basically, it’s zoom meeting clerked by a lovely lady called Jackie Weaver, which descends into chaos. The recording went viral, turning Jackie into an unlikely celebrity. There’s one brilliant moment when a furious gammon-faced committee member yells: “You have no authority here, Jackie Weaver. No authority at all”. And with one swift click of her mouse, she removes him from the meeting and spawns her own hashtag. #jackieweaverhastheauthority.
