We Need to Talk About...

I've been on a work-related course called 'Dealing With Difficult Conversations'. It involved partnering up for role play and a glitchy PowerPoint presentation. Fortunately, I ended up with a girl I really like, so phew, no difficult conversations to have there.

The aim of the game was to recall our feelings from previous awkward discussions, then tool up with coping strategies for the next time we need to tell a colleague they have B.O. or a pungent lunch.

I have a whole back catalogue of conversations I would prefer not to remember. Obviously, there's the standard "It's not you, it's me", when we all know it is them and not us. And the ones requiring a lot of eggshell-treading when what you really want to say is "You are absolutely barking mad and completely wrong" but you actually say "I'm sorry", then continue to seethe.

What could I share with the group though, without confirming their suspicions that I'm weak-willed, weird or worth avoiding? I needn't have worried. One guy launched right in, regaling us with details of a stand-off between him and the missus . They'd not spoken for days and it was all to do with miscommunication, or in other words "You weren't bloody listening to a bloody word I said". We all wanted to know who or what the argument was about, but that was a difficult conversation nobody wanted to broach.

Then it got a bit 'awks' as it became apparent that there are a fair few grievances in the office. The tone shifted from share and help to not-naming-names, but... It was an eye opener for me, because I just assumed everything was tickety-boo down the other end of the room, but apparently not. Unless it was me they were talking about and I've not twigged.

One of the main reasons we prefer not to parley is fear of causing offence. Will he or she think I'm sexist/racist/homophobic? Is there a way I can ask him/her to do the job they're paid for without the fear of being labelled a Tory? This was all explored via the medium of putting your hand up and adding something to the mind map. Though we soon realised it was better to pick short words due to the course leader's spelling issues.

Scenarios were handed around on slips of paper and we were invited to get into character. But confusion ensued because five of us ended up as the boss, trying to explain to our boss why they had been passed over for a promotion. A tricky tête-à-tête had to be held with the course leader: "It's probably not you who cocked the exersise up, it's us".

So did this 90 minute conference give me confidence to collar the eternal leaver-of-mucky-dishes-on-the-desk? Will I be brave enough to bring up the burning issue of who borrowed, then bit the end off, my biro? I doubt it. I'll probably just send a snarky email and continue to seethe.